This one’s probably not a winner: Zebras - What was evolution trying to prove?

So here’s how I think it probably went down.



Aside from that whole random genetic mutation thing, there’s these guys that I like to call the “evolution team.”  They probably have matching shirts or something.  So like most companies, they’ve got ‘nose to the grindstone’ guys who do things to spec and all that... 


Then there’s the zebra guy.  He was probably told to build horses or something. 


Anyways, so he probably got bored because, let’s face it: horses are pretty much all the same.  “This one gets hairy feet...”  “fine, fine”  “This one’s really tiny.”  “yeah, yeah...”


But zebras! They were left to the guy with the ill fitting jumpsuit that just never gets clean. So I feel like it went something like this:


“Dude”
“I know, right?”  he says with a sheepish grin
“What the fuck is that?”
“It’s a horse, man!”
“...That’s not at all what a horse looks like.”
“It’s close though, right?” As he shuffles his feet, looking desperate
“Well, you got the chassis down...”
“It’s the racing stripes, right?”
“The what?”
“Racing stripes...makes it go faster.”
“...We haven’t invented half those things yet.”


But lo, it was awesome.  And Todd, the Evolution Guy invented the zebra.  It was said that they befuddled many a cheetah with their incongruous speed, for fast it did appear though they were no harder to catch.  Though the cheetah did note the stripey meat to be tastier than their solid coloured brethren. 


Todd didn’t last long as an evolutioneer, what with his artistic flair, but before he left he gave us a few gifts; we have Todd to thank (incidentally) for both “intelligent design” folks and the human eye (probably humans entirely) which I’ve been led to believe is a foundation of the “irreducible complexity” issue.


Thanks Todd.

Turns out 6 Posts is Sort of my Limit (also something about Llamas?)

Ahh...crap.  So this gets harder when you don’t have any new zombie news, which (by the way) I attribute to halloween being over.  Thanks “Holiday.”  More importantly though, I don’t want my strange visitors from Russia getting the wrong idea about this thing.  Also, I don’t want to get yelled at in Beer Club tonight.  So post time it is...Huzzah.


Seriously though, Russia how did you find me?  I tried the search engine that “apparently” brought you here and I’m not in the first FIFTY PAGES...at least!  I got distracted after that.  Welcome anyway.  I didn’t mean to single you out, but I’m nearly certain that I don’t know anyone in Russia...although I’m not putting it past anyone to have tabs on me.  We may be in another cold war for all I know.  


ps. if we go all cold war in like...2 weeks... It is not my fault, and no matter how you slice it I’m never going to admit I “called it”  That’s how you wake up dead.  I’ve seen Police Academy 4.  This shit goes down ALL THE TIME.  That needed both capitals and italics; because I’ve decided that’s the sarcasm mark, which made me look up tilde’s where I actually meant schwa.  ALL because I wanted to share the schwa llama with you because the Internet needs more llamas and memes (half that statement is true).  Llama! 

And for everyone hiding under a rock for the past eleventeen years (it was louder than I expected, notch down on your volume a tad):

Ok. THAT may have started the cold war back up...just now.  Must be Thursday.


This is how my brain works.  Get used to it people.

Finished another...whatever.

Someone, buy this stuff...it's starting to build up like an unhealthy addiction. Place your bets.