This one’s probably not a winner: Zebras - What was evolution trying to prove?

So here’s how I think it probably went down.



Aside from that whole random genetic mutation thing, there’s these guys that I like to call the “evolution team.”  They probably have matching shirts or something.  So like most companies, they’ve got ‘nose to the grindstone’ guys who do things to spec and all that... 


Then there’s the zebra guy.  He was probably told to build horses or something. 


Anyways, so he probably got bored because, let’s face it: horses are pretty much all the same.  “This one gets hairy feet...”  “fine, fine”  “This one’s really tiny.”  “yeah, yeah...”


But zebras! They were left to the guy with the ill fitting jumpsuit that just never gets clean. So I feel like it went something like this:


“Dude”
“I know, right?”  he says with a sheepish grin
“What the fuck is that?”
“It’s a horse, man!”
“...That’s not at all what a horse looks like.”
“It’s close though, right?” As he shuffles his feet, looking desperate
“Well, you got the chassis down...”
“It’s the racing stripes, right?”
“The what?”
“Racing stripes...makes it go faster.”
“...We haven’t invented half those things yet.”


But lo, it was awesome.  And Todd, the Evolution Guy invented the zebra.  It was said that they befuddled many a cheetah with their incongruous speed, for fast it did appear though they were no harder to catch.  Though the cheetah did note the stripey meat to be tastier than their solid coloured brethren. 


Todd didn’t last long as an evolutioneer, what with his artistic flair, but before he left he gave us a few gifts; we have Todd to thank (incidentally) for both “intelligent design” folks and the human eye (probably humans entirely) which I’ve been led to believe is a foundation of the “irreducible complexity” issue.


Thanks Todd.