Internet Christians make me so....Changry!

Ok first, if you didn’t get that joke...go here (psst. It's youtube!)


Second. Internet Christians are fucked up. Listen, I understand that you like something you call god. You like it a lot. Right on. Good for you. Now here’s the trick. I was raised pretty Catholic. There’s something you didn’t know but probably-sort-of inferred because unlike you, I’m not really into bragging about religion. Here’s what I think: As a “christian” you haven’t bothered to make a real choice. Christianity is a giant umbrella under which specific things exist. Saying “Oh, I’m a Christian” is like saying “oh, I’m an indecisive moron. I believe everything a church doctrine says and will hate gays until the end of time.” Here’s another trick; Jesus didn’t hate anyone. Not one fucking person. He didn’t even find them mildly annoying. There might have been some misguided pity, but really he just figured everyone was equal. Everyone. For you right-wingers that includes the gays, for instance.


There’s a good target. Let’s believe gay folks are wrong. Wait, no because I heard once that some church-thing says that judgement is wrong. Something about “Let one without sin cast the first stone.” Let me tell you, none of us are without sin. That’s the legal jargon of the bible. NOBODY gets through this world without some sort of sin.


For those who skipped religion as a whole class; let’s review the Decalogue shall we?
Ps. That’s the Ten Commandments homeslice. I’ma punk out for a while. See you after all these “rules”

1. “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me.
2. “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Commandments.
3. “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.
4. “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.
5. “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
6. “You shall not murder.
7. “You shall not commit adultery.
8. “You shall not steal.
9. “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
10. “You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.”

Cool, so to cover the bases the really important parts (which is why they’re commandments) basically fulfill god’s ego, keep a fanbase, and make you take a weekend. Oh, and try to be a good person. You know, just don’t suck.


So Internet here’s the critical points as far as I’m concerned:

1. Nobody says anything about hating gays. Back the fuck off.
2. Nobody says anything about how you’re better than anyone else. Back the fuck off.
3. Try to swear about god less. You know, as a precaution.
4. Take a day off. Even psychopaths take a day to relax once in a while.
5. Don’t fuck with your parents. They raised you, and since you’re alive they probably didn’t do so bad. That job did not come with a how-to guide.
6.  Don’t actively kill people. Pretty obvious, right? Oh, right. War. Fucked that up. Again.
7.  Don’t actively fuck people that are attached to others. This includes “conventionally married couples,” “gays,” “asexual partnerships,” and other “complicated relationships” that I’ve missed (sorry folks, I mean well. Keep me up on the lingo!)
1. to be fair, don’t passively fuck them either. I’m not sure that’s any better for your karma.
2. ps. if you don’t think anything after “conventionally married couples” is worth considering, then what’s “convention” really worth?
8. Don’t steal. This includes corporations. It’s bad for everyone. How would you feel if one day you woke up and everything you owned was gone because someone else decreed that they needed it more? Just think about other people, ok?
9. Don’t lie. In the US the 5th Amendment deals with this in a way. What the burning bush wants here is just be honest. The skin you save may be your own.
10. Stop keeping up with the Joneses. They’re not paying attention anyway. Moreover if they are, do the seriously not have anything better to do? Go do your own thing. But be a decent human being while doing so.

And that’s it. Get the message?


God doesn’t care if you’re gay.
He doesn’t care if you make a six figure salary.
He doesn’t care about what colour shirt you wear.
He doesn’t care that your child is going into pre-school with those “heathens.”
He’s pretty sure we’re all equal. Everyone. Why are you entitled to happiness but that guy or girl isn’t just because they don’t like the same things you do?
I hate American Idol. Does that make me a sinner?  So why is the kind of person I choose any more relevant?


Moreover, why does it change your life in any significant way?
If you say you’re entitled to cast that first stone, you’re lying. We’re all lying.


It’s how we do.


Oh, and before I fuck off to hang with the heathens, think about this:
The word of god is the word of god. The word of the church is man trying to make sense of it.


Posse out.
Do I need to point out that man is inherently fallilble, or did I imply that enough?
-Rhetoric OUT.