A Nightmare on Elm Street (no, the real one.) Sort-of review

In true halloween spirit, I decided to start watching the natural favourite scary movies.  Now, I’m not so much talking about the Saw series, or Paranormal Activity or anything.  The ones I manage to have are apparently considered classics.  Nightmare on Elm Street apparently falls into this category.  Apparently.


So I jotted down some notes that I’m going to share here:

•  I forgot Johnny Depp was in this movie!  I’m relieved he shows no pirate tendencies and I’m led to believe that he didn’t get drunk or ask for rum even once.  So thanks for actually acting in this one.
•  In spite of the apparent underage pre-marital sex (this was 1984 after all) Tina totally got what she deserved.  Something impales itself in your window and the first thing you think is “oh, I’m going to see what’s creeping around my backyard trying to kill me.”  I know this particular subgenre was kind of underexplored by this point, but come on.  Having sex doesn’t destroy your logic that way.  Go have a Psycho shower instead.
• I just remembered Evil Dead already existed by this point.  Fail Tina, just fail.
• All these people have the worst parents ever. Oh, turns out one’s a drunk; bonus. That explains it. I wonder what they’d react like if their kid came home after a shootout at school. “it’s in your head sweetie. Here, have some vodka, get some sleep.”
• When Nancy ends up in a sleep clinic what the hell do they think they’re going to measure with an electrode in her jaw? They know picking up radio signals with fillings is a hoax...right?
• AND they try to get her to sleep again? Clearly they’re not seeing the big picture here. Sleep was the problem in the first place. Geez. Get a clue "science."
• Glen is now officially the worst sidekick ever. “Just stay awake” is your only instruction, and you’re a teenager, and you can’t bother to stay awake past midnight?! Clearly the director never had a conversation with an actual teenager.
• I am impressed at Nancy’s work ethic while mom’s passed out on booze. Wait. Why is she tucking mom into bed? Where was drunkie while her daughter was making crazy noise? Worst parent ever.
• But she’s forgiving her...clearly we’ve missed a scene in here somewhere...right?
• HOW IS MOM ASLEEP THROUGH ALL THIS?! There’s quite the fight against the door, with a hammer, he falls down the stairs, a lamp explodes, and Freddy catches fire and mom’s apparently still asleep in bed.
• Oh, crap. now I feel a little bad
• Oh! happy ever after and she’s giving up the drink. Good on ya mom. Too bad you just got defenestrated. Through. A. Door.
• ps. that car looks like it belongs to Betelgeuse with the top up. laaaame.

Oh, there might be some spoilers up there. So....if you’ve never seen it, I just saved you some time. You're welcome.