So at this very second it feels like I’ve got an alien chestburster hammering under my ribcage...sort of bottom sternum area. It’s only been doing this about 6 or 7 hours, and I can’t tell if it’s more like “heartburn” or “heart attack” in pain (sidenote: I know women get hear attacks differently than men). I have tried eating, not eating, drinking water, not drinking, drinking orange juice (for the record, that one was actually painful). I clearly have only one option left: get drunk. I’m hopeful this will mean I won’t care that my stomach wants to die.
I’m pretty sure this is my doctor’s fault.
For the first time in my life they did some blood work, and decided that I was low on iron. Historically, the blood donor place hasn’t had much to say about it. They have minimum standards for iron count and I’m always up.
So anyways, my iron is apparently very low. So now I’m taking supplements. Which suck. I’m not getting into the nitty gritty, but there’s weird GI stuff going on. Plus stomach cramps. You know, the kind where you think you’re going to throw up, but then you don’t? They just hang around being all like:
“hey, remember how you sometimes forget to eat? this is probably that.”
to which I say:
“no stomach, we just ate dinner. Remember the orange juice you hated?”
“right, let’s not do that again...k?”
“fine. I’m thirsty though, can you stomach water?”
“dunno....I mean, you’re being really petty. Are you sure you’re not hungry?”
“fine. Have some chocolate wafer thingies.”
I tend to give in on these battles, because chocolate wafer thingies are damn tasty. As you can see, maybe going to the doctor is a bad choice here. I’m going to wait it out, if I’m alive in the morning and not curled into a pain-ball, I win. If anything else happens we’ll re-evaluate.
In the meantime; I’mma watch Carnivale. Also, drinkin’.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
I wrote this in December...
In a misguided attempt to get ahead on blog posts, I’m going to work on why the world is messed up today. (Hint: it’s a fast one!)
So here’s the thing; I finished reading this book called “Risk” which I bought about two years ago and which has since been relegated to the “to read” shelf. I finally got around to it. The main points in this book make me re-evaluate why we’re messed up (which we are); we (North American Types) are currently the safest, longest lived, richest, best educated people in the history of the human race. Everything is in our corner. Canadians have that bonus Health Care scenario. So why are we all so terrified all the time. The book cited the fact that due to fear of airlines after the 9/11 attacks, 1500 extra people died in traffic collisions in the US alone due to the excess traffic congestion.
What the hell people?
The gist of everything is that we still use our gut more than we’d like to admit, (I should probably throw my “Rational Animal” post up in here before this one) and that as rational as we believe we are it’s all a lie. We’re all messed up because we’re designed to believe everything we hear, see and smell. As evolution goes, the charming folks that decided on clothing and eating food with forks are still babies. We’ve barely done anything in the world evolutionarily. We’re the hominids that hunt bison and discuss that the fruit on the first shrub looks tasty but actually killed Lois over there. The second bush is where the good food is. That’s still how we work.
Ironically, the really rational people out there are derided as having no human instincts...even though that’s sort of our downfall. You’ll find them in Asperger’s cases and the surprisingly brilliant. In a lot of the second class you can almost see the switch turn. You know these people too. They’re the ones you ask when you want the logical choice. They’re the ones you go to with a quandary and start the question with “you’re the most rational person I know...” They flip a switch in their brains to “rational” and dispel any emotional arguments you try to throw in the pot to confuse things.
And then, after all that...we do what we want anyways. Mostly because we’re weak and think we know what’s best for ourselves. Fact of the matter is that we don’t. Left to our own devices we’d often make the wrong choice (see that post about freedom and autonomy) because we throw emotions into everything, and those guys are messy pigs. They apply weight to things that may have no absolute consequence and apply very little to that which really matters in the discussion. What happens in the end is that we buy things we don’t need, we make a choice we ultimately regret, we employ the hindsight principle. That’s the annoying guy you spill your past to who says “well, hindsight’s 20/20” Sure it is. You have information you could never gain in the moment. What
What the jackass comment is trying to point out is that none of us really know what’s going on.
Or maybe he’s trying to be a jackass. That one’s hard to say, though it is a shocking realization to know that everyone is just faking it in the world, trying to make it all look like they’ve got it under control. Nobody does, nobody ever does. Nobody ever has. That’s the important part here. Hominid woke up every morning and said “hey, I didn’t get killed overnight. Cool.” and went on existing, because he was too fucking busy to worry about what it all means. He had to make sure he ate that day, found some safe water and kept his family safe, and with good reason. We “modern folk” have too much spare time. It’s the one thing we desperately want and we waste it with thinking. We’re really new at this step. We’re not used to not seeing our buddies trying to be killed every day. So we’re wasting the time that we would be using to stay alive by hanging around on the internet (guilty as charged) and trying to wax poetic on the weirdness of our existence. We’re not changing anything, we’re basically in the same spot as when Gutenberg invented the printing press. Only difference is that time has elapsed so new things that our brains don’t instinctively understand exist.
This is getting sort of ramble-y. Posse out.
So here’s the thing; I finished reading this book called “Risk” which I bought about two years ago and which has since been relegated to the “to read” shelf. I finally got around to it. The main points in this book make me re-evaluate why we’re messed up (which we are); we (North American Types) are currently the safest, longest lived, richest, best educated people in the history of the human race. Everything is in our corner. Canadians have that bonus Health Care scenario. So why are we all so terrified all the time. The book cited the fact that due to fear of airlines after the 9/11 attacks, 1500 extra people died in traffic collisions in the US alone due to the excess traffic congestion.
What the hell people?
The gist of everything is that we still use our gut more than we’d like to admit, (I should probably throw my “Rational Animal” post up in here before this one) and that as rational as we believe we are it’s all a lie. We’re all messed up because we’re designed to believe everything we hear, see and smell. As evolution goes, the charming folks that decided on clothing and eating food with forks are still babies. We’ve barely done anything in the world evolutionarily. We’re the hominids that hunt bison and discuss that the fruit on the first shrub looks tasty but actually killed Lois over there. The second bush is where the good food is. That’s still how we work.
Ironically, the really rational people out there are derided as having no human instincts...even though that’s sort of our downfall. You’ll find them in Asperger’s cases and the surprisingly brilliant. In a lot of the second class you can almost see the switch turn. You know these people too. They’re the ones you ask when you want the logical choice. They’re the ones you go to with a quandary and start the question with “you’re the most rational person I know...” They flip a switch in their brains to “rational” and dispel any emotional arguments you try to throw in the pot to confuse things.
And then, after all that...we do what we want anyways. Mostly because we’re weak and think we know what’s best for ourselves. Fact of the matter is that we don’t. Left to our own devices we’d often make the wrong choice (see that post about freedom and autonomy) because we throw emotions into everything, and those guys are messy pigs. They apply weight to things that may have no absolute consequence and apply very little to that which really matters in the discussion. What happens in the end is that we buy things we don’t need, we make a choice we ultimately regret, we employ the hindsight principle. That’s the annoying guy you spill your past to who says “well, hindsight’s 20/20” Sure it is. You have information you could never gain in the moment. What
What the jackass comment is trying to point out is that none of us really know what’s going on.
Or maybe he’s trying to be a jackass. That one’s hard to say, though it is a shocking realization to know that everyone is just faking it in the world, trying to make it all look like they’ve got it under control. Nobody does, nobody ever does. Nobody ever has. That’s the important part here. Hominid woke up every morning and said “hey, I didn’t get killed overnight. Cool.” and went on existing, because he was too fucking busy to worry about what it all means. He had to make sure he ate that day, found some safe water and kept his family safe, and with good reason. We “modern folk” have too much spare time. It’s the one thing we desperately want and we waste it with thinking. We’re really new at this step. We’re not used to not seeing our buddies trying to be killed every day. So we’re wasting the time that we would be using to stay alive by hanging around on the internet (guilty as charged) and trying to wax poetic on the weirdness of our existence. We’re not changing anything, we’re basically in the same spot as when Gutenberg invented the printing press. Only difference is that time has elapsed so new things that our brains don’t instinctively understand exist.
This is getting sort of ramble-y. Posse out.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Why Hate Ayn Rand?
If ever a post would garner me bad traffic, this would be it.
I’m going to say it. It’s different from public opinion; I like Ayn Rand’s novels. First, I will admit I’ve only read two: The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged. I find them both to be terribly verbose. But I find them both to be enticing. I don’t care what xkcd says (because there’s an apparent unyielding hatred for her works over there).
So, you’ve never heard of her and you don’t care. Cool, please ignore this post and wait for another about something more interesting. Probably about, I don’t know....running, tying ropes, or saying unflattering things about poultry. Something like that. Have a great day regardless.
Hey, you’re still here. Awesome. So here’s the trick; they’re both exceptionally long novels. The Fountainhead clocks in around 694 pages for the Signet Paperback version. Of the two, that was the easy read. Atlas Shrugged clocks in at a staggering 1074 pages in the Signet Paperback market. God help me it’s long, but in my opinion it’s worthwhile.
A lot of people (read: everyone who hates it) find both these works too long and the writing in both to be poor. I’m of the opinion that it’s a style you’re simply no longer accustomed to. They were written in 1943 and 1957 respectively. People used different language.
A little background: From what I understand, Ms. Rand managed to think up this philosophy we’ll call Objectivism. The high points are that there exists an absolute reality, facts are facts despite what we might like to believe. Reason is how we should perceive reality. Man is an end to himself, not the means to the ends of others. (most of this is loosely or verbatim from the website.)
Now, a lot of this makes sense only from very specific standpoints: Nihilism’s a good choice. Nihilism tells us in a very (very) truncated version that “nothing matters”. Acres of self-interested teens take this to the usual depressing place. I get that, but here’s the neat thing: if nothing matters...then there’s nothing standing in your way. How cool is that? Society isn’t keeping you from doing anything, you’re allowing society to keep you from doing things. Society doesn’t care whether you take up tap dance, horse racing, or choose only to eat tapioca for the rest of your life. You get to choose that. We all get to choose that, and that’s the neat part; society is made up of individuals that want their version of the good life for themselves. Take away the idea that we have to worry about societal implications and it’s a whole new ball game.
Note: If you're actually interested you should read up on nihilism. This was a very bad example.
Suddenly; you’re choosing to pay taxes, because you believe in having neighbours, drivable streets and a police force that enforce a set of laws that you by and large have chosen to agree with. Don’t agree with them? Don’t want streets? Feel free to live in a cabin in the woods. Start over from scratch. You can do that. It’s your life.
It seems like we’re getting off track, but we’re not. Here’s where Ms. Rand comes back in. While I’ll admit that some of her specific ideals are cracked (check them out on your own if you like), the overarching themes are worth considering. Somewhere on the internet I found the quote that “You’ll find people aren’t holding the door open for you, but neither are they holding it shut.” It’s showing (me at least) that we’re ultimately in charge of our own destiny. People who work hard get rewarded, people who refuse do not. You have no right to demand your personal happiness from others, much as they have no right to demand that from you.
Outside of this, I think she takes it too far. It is a good point of inspiration; nobody’s going to pick you up and make you great. You have to find it in yourself and show your greatness, then you’ll open yourself up to a world that allows great people to achieve great things.
I still believe in social programs, but I think it’s in everyone’s best interest to try hard enough that you’ll never need them. When you do, however, they will be there in force.
Oh, and for the record; Atlas Shrugged is long because (so meta!) it’s illustrating that hard work pays off. Read through it, get a sense of accomplishment.
I’m going to say it. It’s different from public opinion; I like Ayn Rand’s novels. First, I will admit I’ve only read two: The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged. I find them both to be terribly verbose. But I find them both to be enticing. I don’t care what xkcd says (because there’s an apparent unyielding hatred for her works over there).
So, you’ve never heard of her and you don’t care. Cool, please ignore this post and wait for another about something more interesting. Probably about, I don’t know....running, tying ropes, or saying unflattering things about poultry. Something like that. Have a great day regardless.
Hey, you’re still here. Awesome. So here’s the trick; they’re both exceptionally long novels. The Fountainhead clocks in around 694 pages for the Signet Paperback version. Of the two, that was the easy read. Atlas Shrugged clocks in at a staggering 1074 pages in the Signet Paperback market. God help me it’s long, but in my opinion it’s worthwhile.
A lot of people (read: everyone who hates it) find both these works too long and the writing in both to be poor. I’m of the opinion that it’s a style you’re simply no longer accustomed to. They were written in 1943 and 1957 respectively. People used different language.
A little background: From what I understand, Ms. Rand managed to think up this philosophy we’ll call Objectivism. The high points are that there exists an absolute reality, facts are facts despite what we might like to believe. Reason is how we should perceive reality. Man is an end to himself, not the means to the ends of others. (most of this is loosely or verbatim from the website.)
Now, a lot of this makes sense only from very specific standpoints: Nihilism’s a good choice. Nihilism tells us in a very (very) truncated version that “nothing matters”. Acres of self-interested teens take this to the usual depressing place. I get that, but here’s the neat thing: if nothing matters...then there’s nothing standing in your way. How cool is that? Society isn’t keeping you from doing anything, you’re allowing society to keep you from doing things. Society doesn’t care whether you take up tap dance, horse racing, or choose only to eat tapioca for the rest of your life. You get to choose that. We all get to choose that, and that’s the neat part; society is made up of individuals that want their version of the good life for themselves. Take away the idea that we have to worry about societal implications and it’s a whole new ball game.
Note: If you're actually interested you should read up on nihilism. This was a very bad example.
Suddenly; you’re choosing to pay taxes, because you believe in having neighbours, drivable streets and a police force that enforce a set of laws that you by and large have chosen to agree with. Don’t agree with them? Don’t want streets? Feel free to live in a cabin in the woods. Start over from scratch. You can do that. It’s your life.
It seems like we’re getting off track, but we’re not. Here’s where Ms. Rand comes back in. While I’ll admit that some of her specific ideals are cracked (check them out on your own if you like), the overarching themes are worth considering. Somewhere on the internet I found the quote that “You’ll find people aren’t holding the door open for you, but neither are they holding it shut.” It’s showing (me at least) that we’re ultimately in charge of our own destiny. People who work hard get rewarded, people who refuse do not. You have no right to demand your personal happiness from others, much as they have no right to demand that from you.
Outside of this, I think she takes it too far. It is a good point of inspiration; nobody’s going to pick you up and make you great. You have to find it in yourself and show your greatness, then you’ll open yourself up to a world that allows great people to achieve great things.
I still believe in social programs, but I think it’s in everyone’s best interest to try hard enough that you’ll never need them. When you do, however, they will be there in force.
Oh, and for the record; Atlas Shrugged is long because (so meta!) it’s illustrating that hard work pays off. Read through it, get a sense of accomplishment.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Being bad at math...
Hey all, so lately (the last 10 days?) I've been trying to brush up on my relatively terrible math skillz. Mostly because I have none. The internet revealed to me this place called the Khan Academy which is generally helping. It's actually a pretty cool resource for those of us who can't remember basic things like how to do long division. I guess I'm doing a review here...but if you feel shitty about your shitty skills...look into it maybe? There's videos and lots of things to do, it's free and by and large terribly informative.
Also, you get tons of meaningless awards for being able to not fuck things up. It's probably a metaphor for something.
So in my quest for lifelong learning (apparently..), today I was dealing with "Least Common Multiples" and "Greatest Common Divisors," while I think I can (now) technically do both these things...I cannot imagine a world in which I will ever need them. The real world examples had things to do with the hotdog versus bun scenario, to which I say "Who would ever bother figuring this out? I'm not buying 96 packets of hotdogs just so I can finally use up all those pesky buns I bought off the back of a truck."
Who is actually ballsy enough to say "no no, we must figure this out! I'm not taking home any spare unless there's enough of both."? Because let me tell you, Willie Tanner, you just won ninety packs of both, with a complimentary punch in the face.
Aside from my obvious disdain for fifth grade mathematics (and apparently Max Wright, for no good reason). I'm pretty sure I never really learned this, and moreover...I think it's going to make me try calculus one day.
I'm nerdy excited and real life terrified.
Also, you get tons of meaningless awards for being able to not fuck things up. It's probably a metaphor for something.
So in my quest for lifelong learning (apparently..), today I was dealing with "Least Common Multiples" and "Greatest Common Divisors," while I think I can (now) technically do both these things...I cannot imagine a world in which I will ever need them. The real world examples had things to do with the hotdog versus bun scenario, to which I say "Who would ever bother figuring this out? I'm not buying 96 packets of hotdogs just so I can finally use up all those pesky buns I bought off the back of a truck."
Who is actually ballsy enough to say "no no, we must figure this out! I'm not taking home any spare unless there's enough of both."? Because let me tell you, Willie Tanner, you just won ninety packs of both, with a complimentary punch in the face.
Aside from my obvious disdain for fifth grade mathematics (and apparently Max Wright, for no good reason). I'm pretty sure I never really learned this, and moreover...I think it's going to make me try calculus one day.
I'm nerdy excited and real life terrified.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Theodore Roosevelt is my Power Animal
Seriously, look it up. Dude’s a badass. He was sickly as a kid (because it was the 1800’s they could say that) so he decided to just get over it. Yes, decided that asthma didn’t matter. He’s the one you see riding a damn moose in the middle of the lake. He’s one of three presidents that won a Nobel Peace Prize. He was a legit cowboy and everyone knows “speak softly and carry a big stick.” Oh, and someone tried to assasinate him. Wikipedia says this:
This is why, when choosing a power animal...I couldn’t. Mere animals cannot compare. Next time, don’t channel a damn polar bear. Channel Theodore “Ultimate Badass” Roosevelt. (There's actually a lot more that this fellow managed to do...but you should look into it on your own...you know, because I've got distracted.)
On an unrelated note, in my next life I would like to be this Otter:
"Roosevelt, as an experienced hunter and anatomist, correctly concluded that since he was not coughing blood, the bullet had not completely penetrated the chest wall to his lung, and so declined suggestions he go to the hospital immediately."
This is why, when choosing a power animal...I couldn’t. Mere animals cannot compare. Next time, don’t channel a damn polar bear. Channel Theodore “Ultimate Badass” Roosevelt. (There's actually a lot more that this fellow managed to do...but you should look into it on your own...you know, because I've got distracted.)
On an unrelated note, in my next life I would like to be this Otter:
Monday, July 30, 2012
Damn you Paul....
Well, this is probably entirely Paul’s fault (over at WWWWD) because he mentioned I had a blog. Frankly, I thought I was doing a great job of forgetting about it.
So anyways, updating the updates....I recently changed absolutely nothing about my life...wait, I did buy a new belt at Winners, so...that’s a thing.
I’ve been watching TV lately because my internet has beennot so hot super shitty and let me tell you: TV sucks lately.
I’m mostly watching storage wars, and hoping for a Matthew Broderick movie to be on. Yesterday it was “Election.” I didn’t bother finishing. Also watching season three of Golden Girls. Because it’s there. I finished another art piece which I will probably post later. I’m a little worried because I don’t have another job lined up after August, but that generally works out on it’s own.
So....internet, if you or someone you know has a long term job that you think I could do...let me know.
Unless you want to pay me for this, then I’ll definitely start giving a shit.
But seriously, I should probably work on exercising more, because I haven’t been doing so, and it makes me feel like a fat ass. Especially since the Olympics are on and they're all clearly trying much harder than I ever have. Maybe I’ll go for a walk tomorrow.
Oh, and about the job thing....nothing skeezy internet. I’ve seen things. I am doing none of those. You’ve been warned.
So anyways, updating the updates....I recently changed absolutely nothing about my life...wait, I did buy a new belt at Winners, so...that’s a thing.
I’ve been watching TV lately because my internet has been
I’m mostly watching storage wars, and hoping for a Matthew Broderick movie to be on. Yesterday it was “Election.” I didn’t bother finishing. Also watching season three of Golden Girls. Because it’s there. I finished another art piece which I will probably post later. I’m a little worried because I don’t have another job lined up after August, but that generally works out on it’s own.
So....internet, if you or someone you know has a long term job that you think I could do...let me know.
Unless you want to pay me for this, then I’ll definitely start giving a shit.
But seriously, I should probably work on exercising more, because I haven’t been doing so, and it makes me feel like a fat ass. Especially since the Olympics are on and they're all clearly trying much harder than I ever have. Maybe I’ll go for a walk tomorrow.
Oh, and about the job thing....nothing skeezy internet. I’ve seen things. I am doing none of those. You’ve been warned.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
An Unlikely Movie Review
Things being things...it’s the long weekend. There’s fireworks everywhere and I can tell I’m not getting to sleep when I want to. SO....last....yesterday I went with my grandmother to see “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.”
Here’s the clincher; it’s not for my demographic. At all. A surprisingly easy way to note this, is that I was the youngest person there...by a reasonable margin. A woman standing in line in front of me tried to give me a flyer to use as a “hat” while we all waited outside. By “tried” I mean, “placed on my head, and waited for me to thank her” I think she meant well.
That being said, the movie itself was surprisingly good. Charming and british and all that. It has the “Slumdog Millionaire” kid and the parents from “Shaun of the Dead.” (In case you don’t know, that means Dev Patel, Bill Nighy, and Penelope Wilton. In that order.) The whole thing is a good reflection of how getting older isn’t necessarily the same thing as waiting to die. Which is an important point, just about all the time.
Oh, and Judy Dench is in it too, so that’s cool. Maybe wait until it’s on Netflix.
Yep, this is the whole post. Totally worth waiting for, right? Just wait for the one about the sticky notes on my wall. That shit will be epic.*
*Note: clearly not epic.
Here’s the clincher; it’s not for my demographic. At all. A surprisingly easy way to note this, is that I was the youngest person there...by a reasonable margin. A woman standing in line in front of me tried to give me a flyer to use as a “hat” while we all waited outside. By “tried” I mean, “placed on my head, and waited for me to thank her” I think she meant well.
That being said, the movie itself was surprisingly good. Charming and british and all that. It has the “Slumdog Millionaire” kid and the parents from “Shaun of the Dead.” (In case you don’t know, that means Dev Patel, Bill Nighy, and Penelope Wilton. In that order.) The whole thing is a good reflection of how getting older isn’t necessarily the same thing as waiting to die. Which is an important point, just about all the time.
Oh, and Judy Dench is in it too, so that’s cool. Maybe wait until it’s on Netflix.
Yep, this is the whole post. Totally worth waiting for, right? Just wait for the one about the sticky notes on my wall. That shit will be epic.*
*Note: clearly not epic.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Another art piece...
A bit of a gimme post here...Just tossing this up, I'm hopeful that you can squint and see what's going on:
or, you know...maybe it's pretty obvious. As always, up for sale.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Stealing things from the internet: Vol 2: The Return of Hackneyed Writing: I’m going to lose my russians.
If Wil Wheaton can manage to start up his Radio Free Burrito again, I should at least pretend that something exciting has happened somewhere.
SO: Spend about 40 minutes listening to Wil: http://radiofreeburrito.com/2012/03/index.html
Uh, I bought one of those tablet thingies. It’s cool and makes me believe yet again that we live in the future.
I’m super excited that the Hunger Games is impending in movie-land...just like every 14 year old out there.
Community is back on the tv! About damn time NBC.
Hanna Hart did an MRE episode where she attempts to “eat” some military “food”. It goes as expected, I can’t decide whether Bud Light helped or hurt:
I’ve been slacking at life...worked at being better at ukulele, as that’s obviously an important life skill. I am still reading the longest Stephen King book ever; The Stand: The Complete & Uncut Edition just. keeps. going. I mean, it’s really a solid read, it just never ends. I’ve been reading it so long I got a cold, thought I would die (because that’s how it all starts in the book) and recovered with little fanfare and equal parts embarrassment and disappointment. At 1152 pages Wikipedia tells me it’s 10 pages longer than his other epic: It. (Un?)fortunately I already bought the movie for about $5 and so will be unlikely to read it. Really I'm just saving myself a lot of time.
Oh, which brings me to Hearts in Atlantis which is really so much better than the movie and entirely worth reading, though the title really only pertains to the...second? story...which makes it a strange title for the movie, and also explains why it makes significantly less sense as a movie than it does as a collection of vaguely related stories. If you’ve had no experience with either, read it first then watch the movie (if you feel like you have to).
Ugh, coming up with nothing is challenging and I’m not into it today. The winter that never was looks like it’s ended here, and with my natural comic timing, this can only mean that there will be a massive snow squall rip across the city tomorrow.
In related news my comedic timing goes something like this:
Step 1: make vaguely inappropriate joke
Step 2: get tepid-at-best response, complete with awkward glances
Step 3: watch something terrible and entirely related to my joke happen
Step 4: feel like an insensitive shitbag
Step 5: repeat 1-4 as necessary.
At this point I think I’ve checked Facebook 14 times in the last 20 minutes. Nothing has changed. Obviously I want to be done here. I’ll try to come up with better stuff soontimes.
SO: Spend about 40 minutes listening to Wil: http://radiofreeburrito.com/2012/03/index.html
Uh, I bought one of those tablet thingies. It’s cool and makes me believe yet again that we live in the future.
I’m super excited that the Hunger Games is impending in movie-land...just like every 14 year old out there.
Community is back on the tv! About damn time NBC.
Hanna Hart did an MRE episode where she attempts to “eat” some military “food”. It goes as expected, I can’t decide whether Bud Light helped or hurt:
I’ve been slacking at life...worked at being better at ukulele, as that’s obviously an important life skill. I am still reading the longest Stephen King book ever; The Stand: The Complete & Uncut Edition just. keeps. going. I mean, it’s really a solid read, it just never ends. I’ve been reading it so long I got a cold, thought I would die (because that’s how it all starts in the book) and recovered with little fanfare and equal parts embarrassment and disappointment. At 1152 pages Wikipedia tells me it’s 10 pages longer than his other epic: It. (Un?)fortunately I already bought the movie for about $5 and so will be unlikely to read it. Really I'm just saving myself a lot of time.
Oh, which brings me to Hearts in Atlantis which is really so much better than the movie and entirely worth reading, though the title really only pertains to the...second? story...which makes it a strange title for the movie, and also explains why it makes significantly less sense as a movie than it does as a collection of vaguely related stories. If you’ve had no experience with either, read it first then watch the movie (if you feel like you have to).
Ugh, coming up with nothing is challenging and I’m not into it today. The winter that never was looks like it’s ended here, and with my natural comic timing, this can only mean that there will be a massive snow squall rip across the city tomorrow.
In related news my comedic timing goes something like this:
Step 1: make vaguely inappropriate joke
Step 2: get tepid-at-best response, complete with awkward glances
Step 3: watch something terrible and entirely related to my joke happen
Step 4: feel like an insensitive shitbag
Step 5: repeat 1-4 as necessary.
At this point I think I’ve checked Facebook 14 times in the last 20 minutes. Nothing has changed. Obviously I want to be done here. I’ll try to come up with better stuff soontimes.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Internet Christians make me so....Changry!
Second. Internet Christians are fucked up. Listen, I understand that you like something you call god. You like it a lot. Right on. Good for you. Now here’s the trick. I was raised pretty Catholic. There’s something you didn’t know but probably-sort-of inferred because unlike you, I’m not really into bragging about religion. Here’s what I think: As a “christian” you haven’t bothered to make a real choice. Christianity is a giant umbrella under which specific things exist. Saying “Oh, I’m a Christian” is like saying “oh, I’m an indecisive moron. I believe everything a church doctrine says and will hate gays until the end of time.” Here’s another trick; Jesus didn’t hate anyone. Not one fucking person. He didn’t even find them mildly annoying. There might have been some misguided pity, but really he just figured everyone was equal. Everyone. For you right-wingers that includes the gays, for instance.
There’s a good target. Let’s believe gay folks are wrong. Wait, no because I heard once that some church-thing says that judgement is wrong. Something about “Let one without sin cast the first stone.” Let me tell you, none of us are without sin. That’s the legal jargon of the bible. NOBODY gets through this world without some sort of sin.
For those who skipped religion as a whole class; let’s review the Decalogue shall we?
Ps. That’s the Ten Commandments homeslice. I’ma punk out for a while. See you after all these “rules”
- “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me.
- “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Commandments.
- “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.
- “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.
- “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
- “You shall not murder.
- “You shall not commit adultery.
- “You shall not steal.
- “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
- “You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.”
So Internet here’s the critical points as far as I’m concerned:
- Nobody says anything about hating gays. Back the fuck off.
- Nobody says anything about how you’re better than anyone else. Back the fuck off.
- Try to swear about god less. You know, as a precaution.
- Take a day off. Even psychopaths take a day to relax once in a while.
- Don’t fuck with your parents. They raised you, and since you’re alive they probably didn’t do so bad. That job did not come with a how-to guide.
- Don’t actively kill people. Pretty obvious, right? Oh, right. War. Fucked that up. Again.
- Don’t actively fuck people that are attached to others. This includes “conventionally married couples,” “gays,” “asexual partnerships,” and other “complicated relationships” that I’ve missed (sorry folks, I mean well. Keep me up on the lingo!)
- to be fair, don’t passively fuck them either. I’m not sure that’s any better for your karma.
- ps. if you don’t think anything after “conventionally married couples” is worth considering, then what’s “convention” really worth?
- Don’t steal. This includes corporations. It’s bad for everyone. How would you feel if one day you woke up and everything you owned was gone because someone else decreed that they needed it more? Just think about other people, ok?
- Don’t lie. In the US the 5th Amendment deals with this in a way. What the burning bush wants here is just be honest. The skin you save may be your own.
- Stop keeping up with the Joneses. They’re not paying attention anyway. Moreover if they are, do the seriously not have anything better to do? Go do your own thing. But be a decent human being while doing so.
God doesn’t care if you’re gay.
He doesn’t care if you make a six figure salary.
He doesn’t care about what colour shirt you wear.
He doesn’t care that your child is going into pre-school with those “heathens.”
He’s pretty sure we’re all equal. Everyone. Why are you entitled to happiness but that guy or girl isn’t just because they don’t like the same things you do?
I hate American Idol. Does that make me a sinner? So why is the kind of person I choose any more relevant?
Moreover, why does it change your life in any significant way?
If you say you’re entitled to cast that first stone, you’re lying. We’re all lying.
It’s how we do.
Oh, and before I fuck off to hang with the heathens, think about this:
The word of god is the word of god. The word of the church is man trying to make sense of it.
Posse out.
Do I need to point out that man is inherently fallilble, or did I imply that enough?
-Rhetoric OUT.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Cool stuff on the weebs
Hey so it's been a while and I have no excuse. All two of my followers have probably lost interest, so this is really pointless. Can't win 'em all, turns out life is not at all like cheating at cards.
SO
Internet things you should know about:
My Drunk Kitchen...Hannah Hart is fucking ridiculous. I have a very real desire to meet this classy broad in a not at all creepy way. I had a hard time choosing which episode to include here, so you get to watch pizza. I hope it's a good choice. This comes with the recommendation to watch them all. Because she swears like I do and it makes me feel better about making drunk apple cobbler.
SO
Internet things you should know about:
My Drunk Kitchen...Hannah Hart is fucking ridiculous. I have a very real desire to meet this classy broad in a not at all creepy way. I had a hard time choosing which episode to include here, so you get to watch pizza. I hope it's a good choice. This comes with the recommendation to watch them all. Because she swears like I do and it makes me feel better about making drunk apple cobbler.
There is also a music video. Watch that for added puns and hilarity. This is why god made internet happen...well, this and porn. Put that in your brain.
Ok great...also, for you theatre nerds of which there are....probably more than one that read this thing by accident; I spread the joy of "Stage Manager Ryan Gosling" which makes me feel better about loving sticky notes and sharpies both as individual units and as combo-packs:
Bo Burnham is a funny dude, this is probably NSFW. He's a little offensive but also deliciously punny. I guess the moral here is that the internet is more for puns than the porn part....unless someone makes a porn pun website...then the cycle is complete. This makes me wonder about internet christians. Do they wander around like the only guy that didn't get laid in Sodom and Gommorah? Let me tell you, the internet is not penitent:
Welp, hope this was an adequate slacker post for everyone. See you next time.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
That SOPA thing...
All right, it's confusing. You don't think it applies to you, but it does. If you haven't heard it's the "Stop Online Piracy Act" that's currently floating around the US Congress. The trick here is that it's bad. I understand piracy is a problem. Now, before you get all "it's stealing!" about it consider this:
I enter your home and take your cat. That's stealing.
I enter your home and clone your cat, take it and leave the original where I found it no worse for wear. There are now two cats. That's piracy.
Now the big thing here is basically for anyone who uses the internet for....anything remotely multimedia like.
It changes the ball game. This guy is really eager and wordy and a bit of a nerd; but being the internet that we know and love he can be all these things and still be right. Also, the internet gives me the right to say that. Freedom of speech and whatnot.
Check it:
K. Got it? SOPA = BAD.
The bill is set to go first thing once Senate opens on the 24th. You want to know how I know that? The internet. You know what would change? My ability to know things like that.
Steve Niles (a comic book guy) said this: "SOPA does more than go after so-called 'piracy' websites...SOPA takes away all due process, shuts down any site it deems to be against the law without trial, without notification, without due process...Nobody seems to give a shit, or either they’re scared. Either way, very disappointing. I guess when it affects them they’ll get mad… I know folks are scared to speak out because a lot of us work for these companies, but we have to fight. Too much is at stake."
Also got that from wikipedia. It's like a font of knowledge up in here.
I recommend you go and read this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stop_Online_Piracy_Act
Then go back and read it again.
Get it in that head of yours.
Now go find your soapbox.
I enter your home and take your cat. That's stealing.
I enter your home and clone your cat, take it and leave the original where I found it no worse for wear. There are now two cats. That's piracy.
Now the big thing here is basically for anyone who uses the internet for....anything remotely multimedia like.
It changes the ball game. This guy is really eager and wordy and a bit of a nerd; but being the internet that we know and love he can be all these things and still be right. Also, the internet gives me the right to say that. Freedom of speech and whatnot.
Check it:
K. Got it? SOPA = BAD.
The bill is set to go first thing once Senate opens on the 24th. You want to know how I know that? The internet. You know what would change? My ability to know things like that.
Steve Niles (a comic book guy) said this: "SOPA does more than go after so-called 'piracy' websites...SOPA takes away all due process, shuts down any site it deems to be against the law without trial, without notification, without due process...Nobody seems to give a shit, or either they’re scared. Either way, very disappointing. I guess when it affects them they’ll get mad… I know folks are scared to speak out because a lot of us work for these companies, but we have to fight. Too much is at stake."
Also got that from wikipedia. It's like a font of knowledge up in here.
I recommend you go and read this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stop_Online_Piracy_Act
Then go back and read it again.
Get it in that head of yours.
Now go find your soapbox.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Making English Less....Bad-like
Just in time for another entry! Today the copy of “The Elements of Style” by Strunk and White came in. If you don’t know what this is, you are entirely normal. You may (or may not) have taken an English class in high school. It’s a reference book, and it’s pretty bad at that. Sure it’s accurate; it’s glaringly accurate. Some of the acclaim on the back makes bold statements like “Buy it, study it, enjoy it. It’s as timeless as a book can be in our age of volubility.” (NY Times)
Author’s Note: I had to google ‘volubility’ too. Let’s go with ‘fluency’
Here’s the problem; it’s really hard to enjoy this kind of book. Rather it was hard to enjoy this kind of book. Along with “The Elements of Style” I also managed to purchase “The Elements of Fucking Style” by Chris Baker and Jacob Hansen; it’s basically a clone of the first one. Except it’s better. Headings include “A dash is more useful than a fucking Swiss Army Knife,” “Paragraphs make you look smart,” and “Symmetry is the tits.”
The bonus here is that I’m not only super-paranoid that someone is going to call me on how awful my blogrammar is but it also makes me want to correct it. Neat huh? I’m pretty sure they should use this version when they’re explaining shit in school. Nobody cares about the following:
“The best way to see the country, unless you are pressed for time, is to travel on foot.”
Sure it’s an easy rule to remember, parenthetic expressions being what they are, it’s sort of how they roll.
Everyone is going to remember this rule with this exemplar:
“The best way to deflower a virgin, unless you’re a sadist, is to bite down on her ear as you slide it in.”
See? You can’t un-remember that. This is why it should be the new standard. Sure it’s funny, sure it’s offensive, but you know what? It’s still accurate. It accomplishes exactly what the real book does with more whimsy, and examples that are going to stick with you.
It’s $10 and 86 pages of unmitigated awesome. Go get you some grammar, son.
Peace out.
Author’s Note: I had to google ‘volubility’ too. Let’s go with ‘fluency’
Here’s the problem; it’s really hard to enjoy this kind of book. Rather it was hard to enjoy this kind of book. Along with “The Elements of Style” I also managed to purchase “The Elements of Fucking Style” by Chris Baker and Jacob Hansen; it’s basically a clone of the first one. Except it’s better. Headings include “A dash is more useful than a fucking Swiss Army Knife,” “Paragraphs make you look smart,” and “Symmetry is the tits.”
The bonus here is that I’m not only super-paranoid that someone is going to call me on how awful my blogrammar is but it also makes me want to correct it. Neat huh? I’m pretty sure they should use this version when they’re explaining shit in school. Nobody cares about the following:
“The best way to see the country, unless you are pressed for time, is to travel on foot.”
Sure it’s an easy rule to remember, parenthetic expressions being what they are, it’s sort of how they roll.
Everyone is going to remember this rule with this exemplar:
“The best way to deflower a virgin, unless you’re a sadist, is to bite down on her ear as you slide it in.”
See? You can’t un-remember that. This is why it should be the new standard. Sure it’s funny, sure it’s offensive, but you know what? It’s still accurate. It accomplishes exactly what the real book does with more whimsy, and examples that are going to stick with you.
It’s $10 and 86 pages of unmitigated awesome. Go get you some grammar, son.
Peace out.
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